Self-Improvised Story (in 5 minutes)

 So, What happened here was that I was on a road trip, and I was trying to come up with as random a story as I could via improvisation. I thought up one word at a time and wrote them down, and this story appeared. Awesome.

One day while I was working in a saloon, by brother Jeremy tells me that he's pregnant. I couldn't speak, for there was too much beer in my mouth, so I just pat his belly. My mother screams at my impudence, so I barrel away at light-speed. Shaken, I find myself a wife to tell my problems to. She disagrees with my accent, so I build her a house and leave town. Later that week, I meet my brother in a fashion magazine. He tells me that he needs more fashion for his body, so I feed him some caramel at 500mph. His baby tells me that he has liquid fashion oozing from his ears, so I tell my brother to get on a diet and I leave the magazine. I ask a nearby policeman to give me directions out of this horrible plot, but he disappears in a puff of butterflies. I didn't own a pet jaguar, so I return to my saloon. My mother is still screaming, so I give her some pamphlets for Egypt and shoo her away. Somewhere, a drunkard has asked his beer mug to marry him, and I pass out from lack of coherence. I wake up in a paper mill. THE END.

Riddles 2

Some more riddles. Yum.



1. I'm so attractive, it's astounding
I'm irresistible, it's so confounding
Give me power, I grow strong
Yet I've still been normal all along
(What am I?)

2. Shooting 'round at blazing speed
The exact same path I shall lead
I'm very large, but find no resistance
I continue for ages with focused persistence
(What am I?)

Answers: (Drag mouse over to view)
[[[[1. An electromagnet, 2. A planet/asteroid]]]]

Droplet (Re-post)

 From a long time ago, my most beloved tale of a brave little rain droplet. Putting it up near the front for everyone to see.

Once upon a time, there was a little clear drop of dew desperately clinging to the end of a fern one rainy, cold, early spring morning. This little droplet clung to this fern for dear life, while observing it's comrades hang beside him, and many unknown droplets resembling him falling very quickly from the Up. Now this little clear droplet had no idea how it had gotten there, how it had been created, or what would become of it. All it knew was that it had been a part of a huge misty mass floating in the Up. But for this tiny moment, it cherished it's singularity, being on it's own, being unique, hanging there alone. In this tiny moment, it felt no fear at all, clinging to that fern, before falling and becoming a part of the puddle with all of his comrades once more.

Riddles 1

Yay for riddles! Not necessarily for the toughness, just for the joy of writing them.

[Answers at bottom]

1. Every person travels here when the sun is set—
Not a sound you shall hear, but then you may forget
(What is it?)

2. People see me here and there
In cities I am everywhere
Standing tall, but lacking bark
I help the most when it is dark
(What am I?)


3. I'm the smartest thing on the planet
Doing calculations in the blink of an eye—
My size may not be substantial
But I really know how to apply
I can work for days and feel alright
I'm never hungry but sometimes byte.
(What am I?)

  
Answers: (Drag mouse over to view) 
[[[[1. A dream, 2. A streetlight, 3. A computer]]]]

Rain

Pt. Pt. Pt pt pt pt pt. The sound of raindrops on my roof was soothing and comforting, bringing the mystery and anticipation of  a possible thunderstorm this evening. It was beginning to get chilly, so I proceeded to light a fire in the hearth. I could hear the rain growing stronger, patter pattering on my front window. The fire took much tending to become large enough to be independent of my help. As I closed the grate of the fireplace, I heard thunder, strong and loud. It startled me into a standing position. Ba-doom kkkssh. I noticed that I was getting hungry, so I walked down my small hallway in towards my kitchen. On the cupboard was a big yellow sun taped to the wood, a creation of my 7 year old son wo was currently sleeping in the other room. Another round of lightning brought on more booming thunder. I shivered.


I heard the door behind me creak open, and saw the worried eyes of my only boy, Jeremy. 
"Did the thunder wake you up?" I asked. He just walked over to me and took my hand. 
"There's something in my room, Daddy..." He gave me another worried look. Probably just the usual case of monsters. 
"Just wait here, J. I'll take a look." 
I walked towards the open door of my son's blackened room. As I entered, my eyes slowly adjusted to the faint light, sometimes completely illuminated by the now more frequent lightning. The shadows seemed to gather in one corner of the room, seemingly more than usual. Something didn't feel right. I went to the wall to my right to turn on the lights when I heard an unfamiliar voice behind me. 
"Please, do not be alarmed"
I bolted around instantly.


The first thing I see is a dark silhouette against the light coming through the door from the kitchen. It was tall, maybe six feet. It’s voice sounded neither male or female. I couldn’t make out any more than that. 
   “What are you doing in my son’s room?!” I demanded. There was a pause, then, 
   “I am sorry if I have caused you any discomfort. I assure you that I mean no harm to you or to your child. I have simply come to deliver a message.” I was just about to speak when Jeremy came into the room.
   “Daaad?” He whispered. 
   “JJ, just go out there and wait for me, okay?” 
   “Why? What are you doing in here?” 
   Did he not see the large figure standing between me and him? I guess not. 
   “Just go, Jeremy. I’m taking care of your monsters.” 
   He walked out of the room, and I gave my attention back to the thing in front of me.
   “What sort of message? And promise me that you’ll leave soon.”
   “Of course, in good time” the thing said in a calm and strangely soothing voice, “I was sent here to inform you that we cannot afford to lose you in these dangerous circumstances, so just bear in mind that we are taking additional precautions to keep you alive. That is all.”
   I heard movement behind me. Turning around, I saw nothing, but when I went to look back at the thing, but I came to realize that it was gone. Both pacified and agitated, I crept back into the lit kitchen. I couldn’t see Jeremy, so I decided to check the other rooms. 
   “Jeremy?” I called out
   No response.
   I paused and tried again, this time with worry and a newfound fervor in my voice. After a third and fourth try, I was already in tears. Where had he gone? Had the thing took him? What was that thing even talking about?
   A better question, what was that thing?

-----

I found a note scrawled in black ink, messily written, obviously in a hurry. It read:


“I apologize. I did not take your son into account. It seems as though they got to him. Not to worry, though, for I will soon rectify the situation. Please forgive me for my lack of foresight.”


I put the note down, my hands shaking. I felt like this nightmare was a dream after all. Or, perhaps I wished so hard for this that I forced myself to believe it. I collapsed on my bed, too shaken to do anything. My mind was protesting, Your son, go after your son, goddamnit! But my body wouldn’t listen. It was agonizing. I felt trapped, caged in this weakened shell, unable to proceed with any sort of logical decision. There was only one thing left to do that both me and my body both hesitantly agreed on,


Sleeping.

------

Chapter 2


Looking back, it was a terrible decision. Who falls asleep just after their child had been kidnapped? Well, me, apparently. I had felt terrible. Like my insides were grinding against each other in futile complaint against my seriously mysterious lack of energy. I felt drained, and even after eating, my regular power would not return no matter what I tried to do. The only comfort I could find was the thought that somewhere, the silhouetted visitor was out there, looking for my boy. My boy. I feared for his life, for his innocence, every second of my inactivity. I lay on my bed, thoughts drifting, recollecting our time together, thinking of the disbelief threaded through last night’s happenings, remembering Joseph’s mother, Katrina. I thought of what she would do in a situation like this. Sadly, I couldn’t imagine it at all. It still didn’t seem fully set in reality, like it was drifting, suspended in what I like to say is time. I realized that this would be a good time to think of a plan, if I would ever get the strength to dress myself properly. Sometime today, I told myself. Soon.


...

Nighttime Prowler

 I just felt like writing this. It's sort of (not) based off of a real fake true story.

Sleeping. Or so they think. I lay in my bed, eyes closed in false slumber. I crack them open so slightly, just enough to see their blurry silhouettes moving about the room. I suppress a smile. I hear the opening of the fridge, of some sort of container being opened and the insides consumed. I saw Mum walking towards the stairs and ascending. I saw Dad returning from the kitchen, on his way to the office to finish his work on the computer. Once both were out of sight, I silently slid out of bed and crept towards the dim light of the office. Dad was on his computer, back towards me. My older brother sat on the other side of the room, typing something and listening to music through large headphones. Perfect. I had the lucky advantage of owning black pajamas. I tip-toed over to my dad, silently watching his work for a minute, then lowering myself onto my stomach. I slid myself underneath his chair, still unbeknownst to the the two of them. My stomach churned with anticipation and my heart pounded, excited about what was coming. I reached forwards, slowly, and suddenly grabbed Dad’s ankles. He yelled in surprise and jumped up. He flung his head down to observe the source of the unexpected intrusion. Once he saw my cheerful face, he started laughing. My Dad only laughs like this on the rare occasion. It was a very happy moment. Soon I was herded back into bed, this time with promises of dormancy and a glass of water. Before I fell back to sleep, I thought to myself, “These are the sort of things that make life grand.”

The Experience

Warning! The following contains fairly graphic scenes that may disturb some readers.

I was sitting on the operation table. At first, it was dark in the room. Then, a bright light came on with cruel disregard. I heard footsteps, inaudible speech in a foreign language, and laughter. Manic laughter seemed to fill the room. I heard everything that was going on around me. I heard metal sliding against wood, objects being laid beside me on the table, and more footsteps drawing closer. I had a grim prediction of what awaited me, but I was horribly mistaken. My fate was worse than anything I could have imagined. First, I felt a burning pain in my skull. A blade had been brought down upon my flesh, but I was not yet dead. Some sick force kept me alive to endure the worst pain yet to come; the most gut-wrenching, literally. I felt the top of my head being taken right off, I could feel the stale air against my inner organs. A huge metal spoon dug into my insides and started ripping them out through the top of my head! It was unholy and perverse and I begged for death's sweet embrace. Anything would be of more comfort than my current experience, even a bed of rusty nails. I heard more speech, and I felt a gloved hand run down my body. Then, a blade once again cut into me, this time lower down. I began to notice a pattern, the cuts became strange symbols. I was confused and hurting beyond comprehension. I wished for nothing more for it all to end. After a while, my wish was granted, and the cutting stopped. I was picked up, carried, and the last thing I remember was fainting from shock and pain.

I awoke on the curb of a dark street, bloodied and cut. I still have yet to understand the purpose of this gruesome and terrible act that had been committed on me. These insane savages will get what's coming to them.

Mark my words.

Epilogue: This is the carving of a pumpkin from the view of the pumpkin. No worries! I am not some messed-up sicko! It's supposed to sound really gruesome!